Quote(s) of the Week

From Nia Vardalos and John Corbett's "I Hate Valentine's Day." John Corbett (who is really always Aidan from "Sex and the City," but who's counting) has just been dumped by his flight attendant girlfriend after bringing her flowers and catching her in bed with someone else. Nia is boosting his self-esteem, telling him he's going to meet someone new instead.

---BEGIN SCENE---

John Corbett: "No, I'm off relationships."

Nia: "Fantastic! You'll be so much happier."

John Corbett: "Oh, okay. You're not gonna say that thing that women always say, which is that I haven't found the right one yet."

Nia: "No. I don't believe there's just one person."

John Corbett: "What?"

Nia: "I don't believe people are meant to be in relationships."

John Corbett: "What!?"

Nia: "Yeah, we should just have fun, and when the romance is gone - move on."

John Corbett: "Well, how long does that last?"

Nia: "Five dates, to be exact."

John Corbett: "That is exact."

Nia: "Five dates happens to be the perfect amount of time to achieve maximum fun with no pain. No expectation equals no disappointment. It's just fun, and there are no rules."

John Corbett: "No rules?"

Nia: "No rules. And you know what? In relationships, that's all there are. You know, one person wants more, the other person wants less, and then they act out, cheat, come back, stay out of guilt. Oops, now someone's pregnant! All of a sudden you're married and you hate each other. Dating is just so much more romantic."

John Corbett: "So you love romance, but not relationships?"

Nia: "Well, what's to love about something that only brings unhappiness?"

John Corbett (and here's where I used to really feel his confusion, by the way - kind of like a dog staring at you with a shiny object): "It's just - it's not natural."

Nia (deftly, with a response that couldn't have come better from my own mouth): "Do you know any happy couples?"

John Corbett: "All the time? No, but.."

Nia, spoken with righteous indignation and a little bit of a smirk: "I am happy all the time." And walks away.

CUT TO SCENE: John Corbett is walking with his douchebag, tool friend along the Hudson River, chatting about Nia's schooling on relationships and romance.

Toolbag Friend: "Oh, that's hot! Is she hot?! Ah, it doesn't matter. Her attitude is hot. She could have three eyes and two butts and a tooth, and I'd do her."

---END---

Nia Vardalos, you are my Goddess! Watch the trailer, for an especially hilarious moment when puppy dog stupid Aidan...er...John Corbett makes his first attempt to ask out freespirit Nia. It involves her pinching his face to make a very good point about the perception that not being available for relationships does not make one easy.