When do YOU hit your "X"?

Facebook is both a blessing and a curse. I must admit that ever since my ex-boyfriend "Sluggo" and his friends shamed me into joining, my social life and social circle has been easier to manage. But the online world holds special challenges for a social doofus such as myself. And, speaking of how I don't know what to say or do sometimes, here is where Facebook becomes a curse. What do you do when there are people on your Facebook and you aren't sure you know then personally? Lately, people have been pointing to Facebook to show their face pictures and other information so I can get a better look at them. In order for me to get a better look, I have to add them as friends. Of course, I don't immediately drop them as friends, because that would be rude - right? Or is it expected that I'll look, and then de-friend them immediately? Someone have the rulebook on this one?

Then there are those people who add you as friends once you have enough of THEIR friends as your friends. Hard to follow? Let me help. Let's say that some random clicks on my profile from one of their friend's pages. It shows that I'm friends with, say, 30 of his friends. That person says "Oh, wonder why I'm not friends with him in real life?" So, instead of waiting to meet me in real life, he becomes friends with me on Facebook first. Me, seeing that he has 30 friends in common? How can I say no? What if he bad mouths me? And what if I do meet him after saying no? Our entire basis for a real life friendship is ruined.

Side note: this person may actually never meet me or become friends with me in real life, by the way. Our entire interaction in the course of human existence may be limited to the online world, his friend request, and me saying "yes" or "no." After that, I doubt I'll hear from him again. I mean, what IS that??!?

In addition, there are people that I meet through the course of going out. Apparently, I either meet them and add them via Facebook Mobile while I'm standing in front of them, or search them later when I get home. Now, I'm not saying that I've been inebriated while I've added some of these people - but if there was a list of possibilities, that selection might have statistical significance. In some cases, I'm just forgetful and (as mentioned before) a social retard. So, a few weeks later, I'm getting Facebook Newsfeed from some person, and I'm laughing and thinking "wow, this guy is funny!" And then it hits me: "Who the hell is that?"

In all situations, it's even worse when you look at the pictures and think: "he looks vaguely familiar." Looking through someone's Facebook pictures when you don't really know them is not a good reintroduction. You seem someone holding a baby and smiling one minute, and the next you see them puking in a trashcan wearing a silk teddy. (And, btw, some of ya'll really shouldn't allow these pictures on your Facebook. There is a de-link option, and you should use it. Heart.)

So I look through his shared friends list, and we have some friends in common, but they are scattered from all corners of my social circle. It's even worse when we have only one friend in common. It's absolute death when we have none. Because then I can't place WHERE I may have met him. Was it the bar? Was it school? Was it a class? Was it on a certain gay man's site that shall remain nameless? What the heck was it?!? And what do I DO?

Now you're saying "why don't you just message them and ask?" Well, I'll tell you why. Ever send a text to a number in your phone and you don't know who it is? Ever get into a bitch session for 0.10 a text? I have. While some people are very cool about reminding you where you met, and others will admit that they don't remember themselves, there are a select few that treat this as if you are showering hot acid on their heart and they are innocent bunny rabbits of love who are horribly hurt and demeaned. But then the bunny rabbits of love turn into psycho firebunnies of death, with sharp pointy teeth of metaphorical weapons.

"LOL I can't believe you don't remember who I am!," he or she says.

"I'm sorry, it's been awhile since we (texted, messaged, IM'd). Can you remind me?" I say.

"OMG you're such a fucking loser. Don't you remember? We chatted for like an hour!"

"Can you give me more to go on? Do you have a picture maybe? I'm good with pictures."

"I'm not giving you a picture if you can't even remember who I am. Fuck off."

This is an amalgamation of all the text and IM conversations of this type that I have had ever since "technology has brought us all closer together." It happens more often than you'd think.

I guess, in such situations, you really find out how people are...even when you don't know them. So, I am somewhat thankful. After such a glowing conversation, I usually delete their contact info. Sometimes, if their tirade is bad enough, I'll keep it and just add a little note: "firebunny of death." So that if I run into them again through reintroduction, and I go to add their info and find them again, I can quickly distance myself before a giant tooth of biting metaphor attacks again.

But Facebook? Should I send an email and ask "Who the hell are you and why are we friends?" I don't know if I can do that. This person has access to my pictures and information and social circle. What if he starts to bad mouth me to all my friends and relatives on my page - or his? I could get tagged as a "social forgetter." He could start a "Social Forgetter" group page and I could be featured in it! Other people I forget could join! If it becomes popular, my friends would feel pressure to join!! If it got big enough, he could create a fan page and then go global with his tirade. And then my future interactions with people linked to other friends or social circles could then go something like:

"Hi, I'm Jason. Pleased to meet you. "

Hisses, "Ooooh, yeah. You're the social forgetter. I heard about you. I gotta go."

I mean, cripes, I'd be shot down before I even started! Future socialization would be endangered, and I'm already a social doofus. This would make my life exponentially more difficult, And then what if a prospective employer saw all this?!? I could be turned away for interviews; in the aliases portion of the employment application, I'd have to put "social forgetter." I'd end up being forced to work at McDonald's. Or worse - Arby's! And what then, I ask you?!? what then!?! And what about the CHILDREN?!?

But I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say is, well - what is the right thing to do? Do you think an email is warranted? Maybe this person and I did have an awesome conversation and I really wanted to connect with them, but one or both of us got busy and it fell by the wayside. By deleting him from my friend list, I doubt I'll ever have a chance to recall our sparkling conversation or the person I had it with. They would be consigned to Internet limbo - just bits and bytes left over on a Facebook server somewhere. No face, no name. Just 1's and 0's.

If I hit that "X" next to the person's name in my Facebook list, isn't that pretty final? If I should ever happen to re-meet that person again, and it goes without incident, I could re-add them - but that happens so rarely it would seem. So, should I hit that "X" button? And do I just stop at random strangers? How about ex-boyfriends? Frenemies? Friends of ex-boyfriends and frenemies? Where does it end? And will there be blowback?

Well, on that last question, I want to make one point clear. Yes, there may be blowback. I've heard from people that "dropping" someone as a friend doesn't mean they find out or are notified. Bullshit. Some people - crazy people - notice. They lord over their friend list and keep track of that count. When it goes down, they become like Nancy Drew, tracking down clues until they figure out who deserted them because they weren't "cool enough."

In addition, some people get in touch with you when you randomly drop them as friends - these are crazier people. I had a dude get hold of me on IM the same evening I dropped him as a Facebook friend. It started innocent enough, with "hey I can't see your pictures on Facebook anymore." It ended with something like "LOL. What, you think you're special? Goodluck, asshole." I'm not even sure what "special" meant to him, but I'm assuming that it involved a helmet or a lot of calming medications.

The absolute worst experience I had was when I was at the bar. I saw this person standing there, giving me these smoldering eyes and a smile. I thought he was flirting with me. He seemed pretty nice on the surface, talking to all his friends. So, I started giving him a few glances back here and there, and then smiled at him a couple times. His friends leave him, and he walks over. He says, "You don't remember me, do you?" To which I respond, "No, sorry. Have we met before?"

"Not really, but we talked online and you were my friend on Facebook - until you dropped me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must not have recognized you. What's your name?"

"My name? Something you'll never know now. Bye."

Yes, folks. Fire. Bunny. Of. Death.

So, perils await the use of that "X" button in the Facebook friend list - both online and in the real world. But, considering the possible "firebunny of death/social destruction/for the children" scenarios, maybe dropping someone you are unsure you know is for the best. There may have been a reason you didn't keep in touch. A social twinge that the person wasn't quite right. A premonition of future drama and hassle. Or maybe they were just unattractive human beings from the get go.

I'd sure like to know how others deal with such situations, though. That kind of information would be very handy to a social doofus such as myself. Oooh! Or someone should come out with a "Dummy Book!" "How to Deal with Awkward Online Social Situations on Facebook, AIM, and email." It could feature a special section on texting etiquette! Emily Post or Martha Stewart could write it! Now that's a book I would, and I'm sure others would too. I would even feature it on my blog (which no one reads).

And even if it didn't help solve my Facebook problems, maybe Martha could add a gardening section: "Homemade Remedies for Getting Rid of Firerabbits." Yeah. That would be awesome.