AirWick Motion Sensor Freshener and my New Years Resolution

So I'd like to start the New Year (please, dear god, I'd like to start a new year) and the new decade with a funny story, and then my New Year resolutions.

I was at a friend's house this past New Years Eve, watching some TV earlier in the day before heading out later that night. He's got a pretty nice house. We had some food, and watched some movies - all in all, a good day before starting the evening.

So I was walking by one of his bookshelves, and I heard this "psst." I didn't know what it was at first, but the general area smelled really good afterwards. I walked past another time, and the same thing happened, and finally I got curious and took a closer look.

Now I thought that maybe he had one of those air fresheners set on a timer, which I have heard when I'm using the bathroom at a public location. I always thought those were really cool, and I'd sure want one if they sold them to the public. So I was pretty excited to take a look.

So I found the little machine. AirWick makes them, and they actually are not on a time sensor, but a motion sensor. Every time you walk by, the freshener releases more scent.

But I didn't quite get that at first, and apparently I came at it close enough and at an angle that it didn't see me. I picked it up, and it detected the motion, and bam - scent-o-rama. Like a skunk who'd just been frightened, the little air freshener got me right in the shirt and neck. I put the sucker back down, but it caught me one more time. I smelled like an ocean-fresh whorehouse.

Adding to my situation, I am allergic to strong scents. Usually, I can handle regular air-fresheners - but not a face full. I sneezed myself silly pretty good and got plugged up pretty fast. But then the air freshener is also oil based, and whatever was in it caused the skin on my neck to start itching pretty good (I'm a big ball of allergies). I looked like my neck had been attacked by the vampire Lestat. So I had to cut the visit short to head home and take a shower and a Zyrtec.

As I drove home, I couldn't help but laugh a bit - because getting shot in the face with an air freshener just about summed up my 2009 and most of the 2000's. It was a final odd and unlikely act which appropriately happened to me. I just wanted to look at it and see how it worked. Only *I* would find a way to grab it without setting the motion sensor off, point it about my face and neckal area, and find way to take not one but two shots before putting it down. No, I'm not unlucky - I'm just one of those people who end up in odd and awkward situations regularly.

Now, I know it was my own fault for playing with his air freshener - but kill me for being curious. Or, at least, hose me down with AirWick ocean-breeze. And, of course, he thinks I'm odd now for touching his air freshener in the first place. (It's not like I was stealing it - I was just curious; marketers would be pleased!). I guess I can't really blame him.

Let the soft and gentle stink of 2009 and the 2000's fade away. Now? The new and improved scene of 2010. Smells like coffee and chocolate. Smooth, warm, and NOT AWKWARD.

So, this brings me to my my resolutions for 2010.

1. End up in less awkward situations. If I see an air freshener, I'm not going to pick it up; I'll ask about it instead. If I end up in awkward situations, I'm going to gently and quietly extricate myself from them - possibly with a ton of apologies, the purchasing of gifts, and the offering of sexual favors. But the goal is not to get in them in the first place. I will attempt to be more "smooth" and "artful" in 2010.

2. Continue to drink moderately, and when I do not drink moderately - have an escape plan. It has dawned on me that most stupid things people do, they do when they are drunk. I am no different. So, in 2010, I will either drink moderately or be ready to make a quick escape when things get weird. Of course, a safe escape - this may mean an investment in emergency cab fare at all times. This does not relate to the AirWick incident. I was not drunk - merely buzzed.

3. Undisclosed resolution. Either you figure it out eventually or I'm failing at it. Ha.

Happy New Year!