Peanut Butter Eggs n' such

Well, Easter is upon us. That means baby Jesus - who died for our sins so we could have awesome gifts like a new MacBook air or argyle socks - has risen...so we can hunt for colored eggs and overindulge in rabbit shaped chocolates. I've never understood the link between bunnies, the resurrected Jesus, and Easter. I think it has something to do with rebirth, and the fact that rabbit ovaries (?) were long used to detect pregnancy in women. But how they would know that in biblical times, I'll never know. But if they knew how to build a pyramid and manage a complex caste/slave system to build it, I can't really put this one past them.

One thing is certain though - when Jesus is risen again, we can be thankful for one of his greatest blessings: Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.

You may not have known this about me (probably because no one is actually reading this), but I'm something of a PB eggs connoisseur. It's one of my quirks, along with a fanatic love of NFL football and playoff baseball, and the ability to recite the french alphabet from memory - though without remembering anything else from their language. Kind of odd, somewhat useless, but interesting conversation topics nonetheless.

About the PB Eggs, though, there is a philosophy to be learned. About 48 weeks out of the year, if you want peanut butter and chocolate goodness, you're stuck with the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Now, these are delicious, but not quite as good as the eggs. I'm not sure, but I feel like the peanut butter has more of a sand-like texture to it, and the chocolate isn't as soft and smooth. Plus, the shape of it is problematic: the cog like shape of the cup sometimes causes the cup to get caught in the roof of one's mouth. In general, the Cup is a fine substitute - like Skyy vodka when you really want Ketel One, or Internet porn previews when you're really in the mood for the whole movie.

The connoisseur knows the difference between the cup and the egg, however. He knows that the egg peanut butter has a creamier texture and richer taste. He also knows that the chocolate is more apt to melt on the tongue, first giving you a chocolate burst on the palate, and then a peanut butter flavor when the chocolate dissipates from under it. Further, he knows he can place the whole egg in his mouth because it molds well to the concave shape of the roof, and then smoosh it for one big burst of PB and C fun - or take small bites to savor it.

But there is the learned behavior of the egg, too. The connoisseur knows when the Peanut Butter Egg time of year is approaching. Not because of Jesus or anything, but because he notices egg package sized spaces being cleared at the supermarket. About that time of year, the mouth waters - and you start to twitch a bit. You even get tempted to buy a PB Cup - but you know the Egg is coming soon, so you wait.

Then there is the exotic egg types to enjoy. For instance, just the other day, I found out there was such a thing as a white chocolate egg. I know! Me, a PB Egg lover since I was a kid, didn't know that. I just thought it was a different package color. I tried one tonight, just to see what it was like. I'm not a fan of the white chocolate - but I have to admit, it was good!

Then there are the different sizes. There are the jumbo's - which I have always been a fan of. One downing of those suckers, and your PB pleasure centers could just blow out, with you left drooling in your own juices holding yourself up against a wall. Nevermind the two packs and the six packs. Enjoy at your own peril!

Finally, there is the rare but delicious dark chocolate egg. I have only had these a couple times. I found one (shockingly) at Halloween, and then another a few Easter's ago back in Michigan. I cannot find one in my neighborhood now. They have either sold out of them completely, or (worse) they don't make them anymore. Needless to say, along with praying for the yearly resurrection of Jeebus, I'm making requests of heaven that that not be the case.

So, I hope I've inspired you to go out and enjoy a PB Egg today. Buy one for yourself - buy one for a friend. Spread the joy. Explore the wonder that is the Peanut Butter Egg phenomenon. If you have questions, you readers (who don't exist) know how to reach me. I'm always happy to help with PB Egg questions - and info on the NFL draft, if you have those by chance.

So, on this Easter season, as Jesus rises, some of us will eat our ham dinners and rejoice. As you sink your teeth into a PB egg, be thankful we live in a world where such awesomeness is possible. Draw your friends and family a little closer around that Egg, and embrace.

Oh, and be thankful you're not eating marshmallow peeps, because those things are disgusting. Its like eating a small sugary mattress, covered in coarse sprinkles. I'd rather eat a dirt covered hairball. Blech.

Happy Easter.

- J
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