A Good List of Personality Traits

Pretty interesting - I like this list. It has an old fashioned bent to it. Which traits do you think are your strong points?

Personality Traits at Yahoo! Shine.

SECOND Quote of the Week!

From the same film, "I Hate Valentine's Day."

John Corbett wants to be with Nia Vardalos, despite ending their relationship after 5 dates and keeping it casual. He has now gotten done with an evening with a toolbag friend and a couple bimbos, and is heading into his apartment - thinking about Nia and wanting to call her. A proud, black woman walking her dog passes by, seeing him playing with his phone with a thoughtful look on his face. Stoically, she engages him while walking.

---Begin Scene---

PBW (Proud Black Woman): "Make that booty call."

John Corbett: "No, honey, my bowels are complicated. Life is simple. Call her."

---END SCENE---

How true.

By the way, I think Nia Vardalos is going for a very John Waters feel in her films. But from an independent film, rom/com perspective.

Quote(s) of the Week

From Nia Vardalos and John Corbett's "I Hate Valentine's Day." John Corbett (who is really always Aidan from "Sex and the City," but who's counting) has just been dumped by his flight attendant girlfriend after bringing her flowers and catching her in bed with someone else. Nia is boosting his self-esteem, telling him he's going to meet someone new instead.

---BEGIN SCENE---

John Corbett: "No, I'm off relationships."

Nia: "Fantastic! You'll be so much happier."

John Corbett: "Oh, okay. You're not gonna say that thing that women always say, which is that I haven't found the right one yet."

Nia: "No. I don't believe there's just one person."

John Corbett: "What?"

Nia: "I don't believe people are meant to be in relationships."

John Corbett: "What!?"

Nia: "Yeah, we should just have fun, and when the romance is gone - move on."

John Corbett: "Well, how long does that last?"

Nia: "Five dates, to be exact."

John Corbett: "That is exact."

Nia: "Five dates happens to be the perfect amount of time to achieve maximum fun with no pain. No expectation equals no disappointment. It's just fun, and there are no rules."

John Corbett: "No rules?"

Nia: "No rules. And you know what? In relationships, that's all there are. You know, one person wants more, the other person wants less, and then they act out, cheat, come back, stay out of guilt. Oops, now someone's pregnant! All of a sudden you're married and you hate each other. Dating is just so much more romantic."

John Corbett: "So you love romance, but not relationships?"

Nia: "Well, what's to love about something that only brings unhappiness?"

John Corbett (and here's where I used to really feel his confusion, by the way - kind of like a dog staring at you with a shiny object): "It's just - it's not natural."

Nia (deftly, with a response that couldn't have come better from my own mouth): "Do you know any happy couples?"

John Corbett: "All the time? No, but.."

Nia, spoken with righteous indignation and a little bit of a smirk: "I am happy all the time." And walks away.

CUT TO SCENE: John Corbett is walking with his douchebag, tool friend along the Hudson River, chatting about Nia's schooling on relationships and romance.

Toolbag Friend: "Oh, that's hot! Is she hot?! Ah, it doesn't matter. Her attitude is hot. She could have three eyes and two butts and a tooth, and I'd do her."

---END---

Nia Vardalos, you are my Goddess! Watch the trailer, for an especially hilarious moment when puppy dog stupid Aidan...er...John Corbett makes his first attempt to ask out freespirit Nia. It involves her pinching his face to make a very good point about the perception that not being available for relationships does not make one easy.

I just can't resist...John Mayer.

First off, I apologize for my absence. I'm working on a blog post about snowmaggedon as we speak. But suffice it to say that I've had 3 days off work, will have a half day tomorrow, and I mostly sat on my ass and caught up on stuff.

Now, on to bigger fish to fry. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you John Mayer - douchebag supreme.

I'm going to skip over the fact that he used the "n" word in the interview, talking about how he may or may not be "street" enough to have a "hood pass." You know, because he's a pale-white mainstream babyfaced male rocker, and you know how the brothas love them.

I'm going to skip over the fact that, in one interview, he manages to make himself some kind of sexual god because he bagged Jessica Simpson - the sexual leavings of Nick Lachey and Tony Romo. Don't get me wrong, Jess is pretty, but she lost me at "Chicken of the Sea." She doesn't exactly strike me as a hard lay to land.

I'm also going to skip over the fact that he clearly has an addiction to porn, saying that he sees over 300 vaginas before he finds one to pop one off to - and THEN chooses to fantasize about past relationships because current vaginas and girlfriends don't satisfy him. Talk about a waste of time.

I'm also not going to talk about how, in the same interview, he then casts himself as soulful and intellectualizing, taking the time to brag about how much he loves talking all night with a girl only to have her experience an epiphany about him, saying "boy, I never thought I was going to like you so much."

No, I'm not going to talk about all these affronts to the sensibility.

Instead, I'm going to share this snippet with you, and then send a link over if you are a glutton for punishment and want to take a closer look. It's John Mayer talking about Jennifer Aniston - she of the "Friendly Following." America's new sweetheart (after Meg Ryan went crazy with the lip injections). She, of the interminably bad taste in men (John Mayer, Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn), who braves on.

From John's stupid mouth:

"PLAYBOY: You’ve rarely talked about Aniston. She has rarely talked about you.

MAYER: We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons?

PLAYBOY: Did you send Aniston a copy of the CD after it was done?

MAYER: No.

PLAYBOY: Maybe she’ll download it from BitTorrent.

MAYER: If Jennifer Aniston knows how to use BitTorrent I’ll eat my fucking shoe. One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting. There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn’t it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she’s still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, “These are the new rules.”

PLAYBOY: You mean the rules of celebrity have changed since Friends made her a star?

MAYER: I said, “Tom Cruise put on a fat suit.” That pretty much sums up the past decade: Tom Cruise with a comb-over, dancing to Flo Rida in Tropic Thunder. And the world went, “Welcome back, Tom Cruise.”

PLAYBOY: What’s the moral there?

MAYER: You have to show that you don’t take yourself seriously. Once you do that, people will say you’re cool: “You know what? I gotta say I never liked him until he made fun of himself, and now I like him.”

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me."

Here's the link: Playboy Interview.

Just after that, he makes his little mistake regarding the "n" word that got him into trouble. But as you can see, he was really on a roll before that. Maybe his riff on life was like an ice cream sundae (no pun intended). He just kept piling on scoop after scoop of bullshit, and then added on some yummy word toppings. He added some nuts (misogyny), strawberry syrup (false angst), caramel sauce (ageism), and then whipped cream (pervy jerk off talk). And then, sensing that his pile of true verbal diarrhea fashioned as pop culture creaminess was not quite complete, had to top it off with a racial slur. I mean, when all you can do is talk and talk, saying dumber and dumber things to get attention, what else could you do? Talk about puppies?

I guess the interview speaks for itself, but I want to say one thing before I let you stab your own eyes out reading it. If John Mayer sees the world as those who KNOW how to use BitTorrent and Twitter, and those who do not, he's in for a surprise. If he also sees the world as those who cater to the new TMZ/Perez Hilton/celebutante culture, and those who do not, he's in for a BIG surprise. And if the reason he dumped Jennifer Aniston was because her success came at a time when modes of media were more direct and mainstream, and less viral, then he's in for an even BIGGER surprise.

The surprise, you ask? Well, he thinks these are "The New Rules" for living in today's age. He thinks Aniston desperately wants to go back to 1998, to relive some level of fame or success that she had at the supposed height of her career. And while that's just so arrogant and assumptive on his part, it's also telling more about him than Aniston. It says that he doesn't define himself as a person, but instead defines himself how enshrined in today's "celeb-retardation" and "hyperactivity/frenzy" he can make himself. He's confusing "The New Rules" for achieving fame - which are really just rules for gaining attention while participating in self-indulgence all without taking real personal risk - as opposed to rules for living an authentic life.

The surprise is this: for someone who wants love and a relationship and a "vagina to pitch a tent under" (shudder), he doesn't have the personality for it. And he doesn't even realize it. When someone makes a decision to end a relationship because the substantive quality of their fame is pre-Twitter, that signifies a pure immaturity and mistaken lifestyle that may be too much for him to overcome or for anyone with an intellect to stand. What's sadder? I think he thinks all his bullshit is really smart, but the truth is - it's no different than a child coming up with reasons why the spilt milk isn't his fault. No perspective.

I don't know about you, but the guy is clearly pretty much only good for a lay. He's hot, has nice tattoos, and I'm sure he probably has some really great moves in bed he's perfected (he seems like the type who would do that). He practically SCREAMS "himbo!"

But as far as more? Even I would dump him after the first few go around's. Of course, I might snag a couple nice vacations and some cool swag first. Maybe get him to buy me a nice car, maybe a condo. But dump him I definitely would, probably just as Aniston did. It's nice she tried to teach him a few of the lessons she's learned in life, but clearly he needs a lesson in humility that neither of us would have the patience to teach. But damn, he's pretty to look at - so why not enjoy, eh Jen?

Anyway, to close this out, here's a picture of Mayer showing that it's entirely possible that I will get my chance to dump him. If this doesn't belie some type of homosexuality, I don't know what does. Enjoy!

Saints Win!

Yay! Saints win!!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Things that make you go "Hmmm..."

In a hypothetical fight between aluminum foil and plastic wrap, which do you think would win? I personally am an aluminum foil man for a variety of reasons. If you don't mind, I think I'll share with you just a collection of the myriad of reasons why.

First, it's easy to mould to the opening of whatever container I am missing a lid for (hence why Ziplock disposable containers don't have a dog in this fight). Plus, it holds it's shape really well. If you have an oddly shaped food, such as a 20 pound turkey or cake shaped like the Empire State Building, you can sculpt a custom shaped protective shell which shall protect against bacteria and viruses of all types. And accidental roommate food incursions, such as an errant drumstick which attempts to roll off a plate and into your jello mold, will be repelled back instantly.

In addition, it's useful for cooking things - such as wrapping corn when baking it in the oven, or lining a cookie sheet when making french fries. Or covering a lovely mulligatawny casserole. And it doesn't even get HOT when you cook with it. 'Tis truly the DEVIL'S magic at work there! 'Tis!

Plus, it's really cool to make hats and other awesome men's wear with. I once made a whole suit-of-armor - complete with viking hat and battle axe - from Reynold's Wrap. Um, like, when I was a kid, not recently. Yeah. That's right! When I was a kid. And no pillow fort was involved.

But it does have its drawbacks. I'm not sure why, but while it does hold its shape, it doesn't stiffen up enough to remain in place. When you cover a bowl or plate, and put it in the fridge, it looks like the foil is securely in place. Yet, if you put something next to it that even grazes the foil, it flies off - with the food covered wet and sticky side plastered to the floor. Very annoying.

Plus, there is something about touching aluminum foil. It's light, but it's metal. It crumbles in your hand. And the noise it makes when you play with it - it kind of sounds like a rapier being waved around in the wind. It produces the same shivers that fingernails on a chalkboard does. And have you ever accidentally missed a piece of foil in some food and taken a little nibble?!? YIKES!

Oh, and for your Al Gore types out there: apparently, aluminum foil is recyclable! I mean, I already use the foil from baking my fries to cover them up in the fridge, but this is beyond that. You can actually take discarded foil and make it into other stuff! Wow! I didn't know that, as I have been throwing it away - and probably poisoning a lake or something in the process, or strangling some kind of fish. Wait, that's not right. Can a carp get tangled up in a discarded viking hat made up of foil wrap? Or is that those plastic six-pack rings? I dunno. I'm not a tree hugger.

Plastic wrap has its proponents, I'm sure. I'm all for the fact that it clings to the outside of a container, creating a nearly unbreakable hermetic static seal preventing air from entering and liquids, foods, and mushes of all kinds from escaping. This means that when I put something NEXT to the plastic covered bowl, the wrap doesn't fly off. I also think plastic wrap does a better job of preventing smells from escaping, especially helpful around shrimp taco night.

But here's where it loses me. For one thing, once plastic wrap gets caught up in itself, it's a lost cause. We've all been there. We're trying to rip off one decent sized piece of wrap, and we pull against that damn serrated edge on the box and it does nothing. Well, nothing except bunch up the wrap and give us a nice deep cut on our finger. So we just end up ripping the damn stuff in no particular shape or size, usually coming up just a bit short of what we need. So we have to go through the whole thing again, complete with re-bunching and re-cutting.

And, apparently, plastic wrap isn't recyclable. Again, not that I care, but because its a petroleum based product, it is not easily broken down. Then again, come to think of it, is it really wise to be covering your food in a product made from the same chemical base as gasoline? Hmm...

So, that's why if I had to choose who to put my money on in a kitchen product battle royale, I'd put it on aluminum foil. "It's the easy way to save money while keeping your kitchen clean," per the Reynold's Wrap company. It's great for making Viking hats AND corn-on-the-cob!

Obama uses aluminum foil; his daughter Sasha was born on a bed of it and she's probably going to be a doctor or president or castmember on Jersey Shore or something. Air Force One is made of aluminum foil, and look how that plane kicked ass in the Harrison Ford movie.

Aluminum foil is also the way of the future and way to salvation. God wants you to use aluminum foil. Aluminum foil is the way all god fearing American's should live, if they plan on going to heaven. Like I've always said, it's all about the God, the Gays, the Guns, and the aluminum foil.

(I've always said that. You can look it up. Go ahead. No, Sarah Palin didn't say it. Shut up!)

And, not to sway you or anything, but Al Qaida probably uses plastic wrap. And we're living in an Code Orange era, people. We're talking terrorism! Right now, Osama Bin Laden is in a cave somewhere performing some perverse masturbatory ritual on himself with plastic wrap. Probably something involving asphyxiation and tying his beard in a knot! Yep, that's right. Terrorism, folks. You're inviting terrorism into our country and into our homes if you use plastic wrap. For God's sake, think of the children.

In closing, I think we all know what I'm really trying to say here. And if you're not sure, then I can't tell you. But I like to think I've given you a little something to think about today. And that what I've imparted to you has improved you as a human being, and added to your being in an organic and holistic manner.

If you come away with nothing else today, remember this: Vote Yes on Tuesday for Aluminum Foil, and No on Plastic Wrap. And, as usual, ignore the third party running for office - wax paper. No one knows what the hell that shit is for.

Where was I going with this? I think I need a nap. I think I blew a gasket after hour 20 studying for an exam. G'night.

*Note: This blog is copyright property of Boltco, now a wholly owned subsidiary of Reynolds Consumer Products.*

Valentine's Day: The Red Tyranny

As Valentine's Day approaches, I'd like to share a few "romantic" thoughts with you. These thoughts mostly center around the notion that Valentine's Day is a misguided, and somewhat disturbing holiday that, for one day, bifurcates American society in a way no other does. The "holiday" cuts it in half, between those who HAVE someone to celebrate it, and those who don't. But if we look a little more closely, love isn't what it used to be, or is Valentine's Day. And at least one - the day of love or the concept - will change.

Those who have someone on Valentine's Day indulge in a bunch of crazy love-centered behavior. For one thing, they begin by purchasing excessive amounts of crap and showering it on their "loved one." Here's an example of just how ridiculous it has become:





After showering some of the overflowing crap you see above on their "sweetie," they then make plans with them that - 364 days out of the year - they wouldn't think to do. This may include a fancy, expensive dinner, or a nice play. Perhaps a day trip somewhere. All very sweet ideas. All shallow ways of paying tribute to a relationship and feels most neglect otherwise. Finally, at the end of the evening, these people bump uglies. On this evening, each is expected to put on their best moves - a reminder of a time when they may have actually found each other attractive and interesting.

During such dinners and shows, the "rest of us" are forced to sit and listen to such baby talk as "who's my sexy baby waby." Or serious talk like "darling, I have loved you since the moment I met you." Or, for those who aren't talkers, the simple stand-by: "I love you." That phrase, on a broken record. Multiplied by hundreds of coupled people throughout the day, this phrase is overheard by the "rest of us."

In addition, we're forced to hear about your Valentine's Day plans. "Oh, Jim is taking me somewhere special tonight and we have something amazing planned," the love-struck person says. "Oh, and look at all these balloons and flowers I got! Isn't he the best," they say. Oh, yeah, they are so wonderful. By the way, can you move your goddamn balloons - I'm trying to work here.

I used to think that the person might actually notice that they are speaking to someone who doesn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but on further inspection, I realize that one of two things happens. Either it doesn't hit them that they are bragging to someone who is, on Valentine's day, alone and they continue to brag and brag and brag. And then, after dropping a big pink love bomb on the person, they just go about their merry way, hearts in their eyes, cupid wings taking them to a delusional place filled with amore. Or they do realize their bragging, and suddenly you hear "Oh, but it's not that big of a deal, I'm sure you'll meet someone soon." And then, awkwardly, they walk away - leaving you wondering WHY you suddenly feel horrible about your life and wanting to cut yourself.

We all know why we feel horrible about ourselves on Valentine's Day, the "rest of us." It's because, on this day, we are segregated. First, we feel awkward because the only way to celebrate is if you have someone to celebrate with. Then, we are made to feel awkward by horrible people who actually enjoy rubbing the day in our faces - the husbands and wives, the girlfriends and boyfriends, the partners. Sometimes it happens because our ears are raped as we listen to the endless bragging about their "honey and our special plans tonight." Sometimes it happens because we can't get around all the damn Valentine's Day paraphernalia. And not metaphorically, either; you can't tell me that someone isn't going to trip over that crap in those pictures above. It's just gobbed on everywhere and it's not there normally, so we know that, on this day, something is different.

And since we don't get any of the crap, we know that not only is the day different, but that "the rest of us" are too. For some reason, on this day, those of us that are alone feel "dirty" and "marked" while we are forced to watch others who are partnered participate in something that looks remarkably shallow. And we're expected to participate as well - not just as observers, but as worshipers. Even though we don't have a relationship and aren't in love, we are expected to idolize the "state of love" and defer on Valentine's Day to those who do. We are expected to fawn over your gifts and plans, and display jealousy over your relationship. Our suffering must be on display. "Aw shucks, Suzy, I wish I was as pretty/smart/outgoing/easy as you are so I had a boyfriend/girlfriend." And if we don't, we're not only one of the "rest of us," but we're then marked as actually being envious and bitter and...(wait for it)...

Sad!

This is the Red Tyranny at work: either we must strive to be with someone/anyone, or on Valentine's Day, we suffer - and if we don't fawn and suffer, we run the risk of being painted bitter and sad. And for all this hassle, we're not even getting chocolates or sex?!?

Barf. But not for the reasons you may think.

At one point or another, all of us have spent or will spend Valentine's Day alone. And I think it's important to remember that, truthfully, that is the natural state of things for the majority of people out there - to be alone on Valentine's Day. We're not born joined at the hip (some of us). For many years, we sleep alone. As we grow up, we still spend a good chunk of time non-partnered. Arranged marriages are a bit faux pas, so there is no guarantee that we'll ever find someone. And dating is becoming more complicated because of social networking and the Internet. I would also argue that dating and love relationships are becoming increasingly passe, because of the fast-pace of communication and the increasing narcissism of each succeeding generations. Love is becoming disposable and, perhaps, soon unnecessary. It's becoming a fad, soon to be quickly discarded like an old pair of Uggs or anything made by A&F in our fast-paced society

One might say that, in the face of this, Valentine's Day becomes more important. I say the opposite. I think it's important to treat Valentine's Day a little more like any other day. Why? Because it's easy for Valentine's Day to simply remind us that we are not alone and that someone loves us. In the cold, consumerist, sex-and-image driven society we live in, that's the fast and easy way to pay homage to relationships and love. That's the cheap emotional cue of the "holiday" - the thing that American Greetings and Whitman's Candy wants you to buy into. No real thought. No real investment. Introspection takes place quickly in a tacky greeting card overwrought with flowers and birds and pink on the cover - all for 3.99. No irony there that, after a few weeks, it gets thrown away by most. And let's not forget - flowers die and chocolates make us fat.

Instead, it's much harder to use Valentine's Day to remind us that some of us of where we came from, and how that compares to being in a relationship or love. To step back, by yourself, and remember what being "alone" is like and that it is natural state of things. In this remembrance of the "State of Alone," we can then have perspective on what it's like to be "with someone." The comparison should allow one to see how much they have changed as people, to accommodate that other special person in their life. It should allow them to see and value how much of an investment they have made in another person, and which has been made in them. After all, relationships and love require investments of time and psychic energy. That love is also a "verb," as well as a "noun" - relationships can be hard work. Only after this personal introspection can someone sit down with their loved one and decide what type of celebration best reflects their love. It may indeed be a grand supper and tons of balloons, but I'd bet that it's closer to a quiet supper and a gentle kiss and hug, with a decision to ensure that more days other than Valentine's Day include small reminders and displays of affection and love.

So on Valentine's Day, it shouldn't be about celebrating love in some grandiose manner, but about preparing to recommit yourselves to celebrating that love year round. First, by meditating alone, and then with your loved ones in ways that aren't stereotyped for the day and instead have real meaning to each other. And instead of squeezing a whole year's worth of love into one huge display on one day (and failing and annoying the "rest of us" in the process), one can spread it out a bit more and express it a little more substantively and sanely (and less annoyingly).

In closing, I am against a perverted, shallow, consumerist "holiday," and the segregation and bullying of those who can't or don't participate in a giant, lovely delusion. But I am not anti-Valentine's Day. But I think the day, as it currently stands, is bad for relationships, bad for love, and not particularly good for anything or anyone else (unless you're a candy or greeting card corporation). I think it has to change, or else it runs the risk of becoming like most other things Generation X, Y and Me grow tired of: discarded and forgotten. That's what happens when a tradition becomes a fad. However, this particular fad may have more of a repercussion when discarded: love (that closely related concept) risks becoming discarded as well. Love, already an endangered idea in an impatient, sex-driven culture, is already on the run. The fading and eventual loss of Valentine's Day may just be the final nail in the coffin.

So, I want to be clear here: while I am not anti-Valentines Day, I am now largely anti-love. I don't know that it has a place in my life at the moment. My desire for it is pretty low, and I feel as if I might be able to do without it. I think it would be a horrible distraction to a lot of other things I want to do with my life. Also, while I find a lot of men attractive and interesting, I don't see a lot of romance and passion from them - so why bother? If I'm already not that excitable, that is going to make it so much harder. And, by the way, I lied just a moment ago: I don't find a lot of men attractive or interesting. I'm actually quite unimpressed with most of them. But I felt like I had to throw a bone there before some people (like anyone reads this blog) get upset.

Yes, I know I'm no prize catch, but I'm pretty content with me. I guess you could say I'm beginning a new love affair with myself. So love is pretty much out of the question for me, because I feel like I'd have to break up with myself. And I know me: it would be a messy and dramatic breakup.

But I think do think love is good for others, and therefore I'd hate to see it go. It makes the rest of the people in this world considerably more tolerable - they seem to smile more, relax, and have more fun when they know someone is there for them. And if they need that to make themselves less annoying to me, I'm good with that, even if I choose not to participate.

So I think changing Valentine's Day into something more substantive will help revive love's appeal to new generations. So I raise a flag and draw a line for a fight that is not my own. For the lovers out there, and those of us who tolerate them, I say this:

"Save Valentine's Day - End the Red Tyranny."

As for me, I choose to remain single and free. I defy any man to attempt to claim me, because he will fail. My heart is unwinnable, because it already belongs to me. I am the only person I want. And on this Valentine's Day, I will meditate on how lucky I am to be alone, and then I will think about the wonderful relationship I have with myself. After that, I will take myself out for a nice meal, maybe buy myself a nice gift and give it to myself at dinner. Then I'll go out and buy myself a few drinks. Afterwards, I will take myself back for some hot, lustful, drunk sex - possibly with myself, but I won't rule out getting a little kinky and bringing another person in for Valentine's Day.

But, as soon as I'm finished, he's out of there. And he's not spending the night. Period.